


You Really Are

by Joking611



Series: Cari'ssi'mi Drabbles [31]
Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Light Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-28
Updated: 2016-12-28
Packaged: 2018-09-12 12:33:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,796
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9071905
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Joking611/pseuds/Joking611
Summary: Shepard isn't doing so well, and an unexpected intervention ensues...





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [SunshineIta](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SunshineIta/gifts).



> This was written for SunshineIta as part of the MEFFW Facebook group's 2016 Secret Santa fic exchange.

The vibration of her omni-tool annoyed Shepard to wakefulness. Oh five hundred. Even on leave the commander wouldn't allow herself the luxury of becoming complacent with her sleep schedule.

Not that she's gotten all that much sleep. It had been nearly midnight when she'd left the Normandy. Even in the middle of a war the ship felt like home, a safe haven. One she didn't deserve. She'd left her empty cabin behind. There was no rest to be had there, not that night.

She'd normally have been tempted to head to the crew deck, not that there was usually much activity there at that hour. The Normandy would be undergoing repairs for at least another week. Most of the crew were on R&R, or detached to temporary duties. With no 'giant guns' to calibrate, Garrus had gone ashore with Allers, enjoying the benefits of a network's expense account. Kaidan was also on the Citadel, following up on a lead about one of his old students. Then of course, there was Liara. 

Six months of forced separation having been difficult for both of them, Liara had been sleeping in Shepard's cabin ever since Mars. When she'd slept that was. Even before the attack on the Citadel, that had been less and less often. Coordinating Shadow Broker resources with the needs of the Crucible took a great deal of the maiden's time. Now, with Reaper activity being reported in the Parnitha system, Shepard couldn't remember the last time Liara had slept through the night without a direct order. Shepard had even taken to sleeping in Liara's cabin recently, knowing that Liara couldn't bear to keep her awake by working through the night. Shepard had shaken her head at that memory. OCS hadn't had much to say about using guilt as a motivational tool. Of course, they'd had even less to say about having your lover as your intelligence officer and third in command, so there was that.

But Liara hadn't been in her cabin. The maiden was meeting with Admiral Hackett. Shadow Broker agents and House T'Soni ships were resources that the admiral needed, yet they were also reserves that Liara couldn't afford to lose. The Asari was no longer willing to jeopardize her remaining agents and acolytes by disclosing their positions over comm or QEC. The scientist and the admiral were meeting in person at a listening post in the Titan Nebula, each protecting the locations of their forces from any enemies, real or imagined. 

So Shepard had left the Normandy, taking a cab to the strip instead of directly to Anderson's apartment. She'd used the walk along the strip as an opportunity to buy a cheap bottle of scotch. What she'd had in mind didn't justify opening one of Anderson's premium blends. If the vendor had recognized his customer, he never let on. She hadn't been in uniform, and with Liara having laid what seemed to be perpetual claim on her N7 hoodie, she was wearing Liara's sky blue one. 

Now, as the spectre shuffled way into the kitchen, that bottle was waiting. Standing alone on the kitchen island, the bottle was a symbol of what Shepard planned of the day. Seclusion, regret, maybe a bit of self-reproach. It was a luxury she couldn't afford, but for now, no one was going to stop her. Her body was screaming for coffee, but it was going to get cheap scotch instead. Cheap scotch and Alliance updates. The Alliance had reported losing contact with Mindoir the night before, that should make for some good reading. 

It wasn't like she was going to be drinking alone, after all. Mordin was here. So was Ashley, and Pressly. They could all read casualty reports together. Good times. Thane would be along soon, she was sure. He wouldn't drink, but no guilt trip would be complete without perfect recollection of all your failures. 

She pulled a glass out of the cupboard. The way she felt, she should drink straight from the bottle, but that seemed a bit crass. It wasn't seemly to drink from the bottle while sitting in a million credit apartment.

Accordingly, four fingers of synthetic scotch splashed into a tumbler. She turned the lights down low, and walked around the living spaces, turning the windows as opaque as they would go. Then with the fireplace on it's lowest setting, the room was lit in the darkest of flickering reds. Mood set, she settled into the couch, glass in one hand, bottle in the other, pads scattered on the table.

The glass was almost to her lips when her omni sounded. The glare she gave it would have frightened anyone but Joker, yet the omni was not deterred, and sounded again. She put down her glass, and answered with a sigh, audio only.

"Shepard."

"Shepard, it's Kaidan."

"Hey Kaidan. What's up?"

"Are you busy? This can wait if you're busy."

Shepard looked around the room.  "Yeah, kind of. If this is something that can..."

The major cut her off. "This won't take long Shepard, I promise."

"Fine, Major," Shepard's use of Kaidan's rank expressed her displeasure. "What do you need?"

"Can I come in?"

"What?" Shepard was taken aback. "I'm not in my cabin Kaidan, I'm at the apartment."

"I know. So am I."

"Fuck, Kaidan. It's not even oh five thirty." Shepard did a quick self assessment as she got to her feet. She was in a tank top and sweatpants. Once convinced that she wasn't revealing anything that would give Kaidan ideas, she used her omni to release the door. 

Humanity's second spectre strode into the apartment like he owned the place. "Hey, Shepard. Thanks for taking the time."

"Yeah, uh, no problem. What did you..." She'd barely started her question when Kaidan passed her on the way to the kitchen. If he noticed the drink on the table, he didn't comment.

"Nice pants Commander. You have any coffee?" He started opening cabinets. "I've been up all night. I'd kill for some coffee."

Shepard followed into the kitchen. "What the hell? You had to walk by three different coffee kiosks to get here."

"There's a war on Shepard," Kaidan explained as if to a child. "Have you tasted the crap they're calling coffee? I know Liara always sets you up with the good stuff." He filled the coffee dispenser and went searching for mugs.

Shepard had to admit he had a point. Liara managed to keep both the Normandy and the apartment stocked well above Alliance standards. She'd question how if it weren't for her knowledge of Liara's clandestine activities. "Fine. What did you need at this godawful hour?"

"I've got a lead on one of my old students. I know she's on the Citadel, but she's under an alias. I have some tips on some of the places she frequents, and I was hoping you'd put in a good word with Bailey for me to get access to some C-Sec surveillance data."

Shepard pinched her nose as she did her best to avoid yelling at the man. "Kaidan. You're a goddamn spectre. Just log into their system using spectre authority and look at whatever you want."

Kaidan handed her a mug of coffee, black, triple sweet. "I was hoping not to put in a request, Shepard. This is personal, not Council."

Shepard shook her head. "Fine. I'll just use my spectre access." Leave it to her to be serving with the only spectre who had a conscience. "Let me get dressed. If we hurry we can be done by oh six hundred."

Kaiden grabbed her arm as she passed on the way to the stairs. "I don't want to leave a record on this, Shepard. That's why I wanted you to talk to Bailey."

"Why can't you talk to Bailey?" Shepard's impatience was starting to show.

"He knows you, he trusts you. The last time he saw me was just after we had the standoff about Udina." Kaidan's tone was imploring. "He's not going to do me any favors, but he will do one for you. You saved his life."

"I don't usually collect favors Kaidan, let alone cash them in."

"Please Commander. I've never been this close."

"Fine, let me get cleaned up."

o0o.o0o.o0o.o0o.o0o

It turned out that Bailey started the day's shift by meeting with the Council. There was no way that Shepard was going to chase him to the Council chamber. Instead, she and Kaidan waited in his office. Shepard growing more impatient by the minute, but Kaidan seemingly unbothered by the delay.

'We're right next to the spectre office, Kaidan. We can unlock that data right now and call it done."

"She's good, Shepard. Real good. I'm not exactly low profile. If I leave a data trail she could go to ground and I'll never find her."

Shepard just grunted in response. Kaidan had a point, even if she thought it was unlikely. She opened her omni and started going through her messages, hopeful to see one from Liara. She missed the maiden, and being left behind while she traveled to another cluster felt wrong somehow, like an itch she couldn't scratch.

It was late morning before Bailey finally made it to his office. He'd been more than happy to allow Alenko access to the data he needed, and the look that passed between them seemed like a covert agreement, hinting to promises made and kept. 

Shepard was just glad to be done. The morning was almost over, and although she didn't mind helping Kaidan, this was not how she'd intended to spend her day.

She left the major behind without so much as a goodbye, and was almost running by the time she made it to the elevator. She had an appointment with misery, one that she intended to keep.

The doors opened Shepard found herself face to face with the last people she wanted to see. "G-Garrus?" She almost stumbled over his name. "What are you doing here?"

"Hey Shepard." The Turian was as close to smiling as his mandibles would allow. "Allers and I were about to go get lunch, and Kaidan said you hadn't eaten yet. Did you want to join us?"

Shepard looked behind her to see Kaidan in the distance smiling and waving.

"Sure," she said with a heavy sigh. 

 o0o.o0o.o0o.o0o.o0o

It was an annoyed Shepard that finally made it back to the strip. The universe had no sympathy today, she thought as she fought through the crowd on her way to the apartment tower. Safely inside, she turned off her omni-tool as she rode up the elevator. That was something she should have done last night. If Kaidan hadn't been able to reach her she could have been well and truly drunk by now, Cerberus enhancements or no.

The hallway was as empty as it always was, but the door to the apartment was unlocked. Shepard never left the apartment unlocked. There was no need. Liara had a code, Garrus had access as well. In her opinion, no one else needed unrestricted admittance to the apartment.

She slipped her pistol out as she triggered the door. She kept it drawn, yet aimed at the floor. Her eyes swept the room before she ducked from the doorway back into the hall. No one in sight. Not Liara then. She'd hoped the maiden had come home while she was out, but Liara enjoyed working in front of the fireplace, in plain view of the front door.

A second, slower look revealed more detail. Her bottle of scotch was gone from the table. The kitchen lights that she'd turned off that morning were now a blaze of illumination. She took a step in, wishing that she could see into more of the apartment without leaving herself exposed.

"I'm back here, Shepard!" the yell carried through the apartment.

The commander blanched, almost firing into the floor.

"So much for spectres being stealthy. You sound like a damn Elcor," a more tolerable volume this time.

Shepard holstered her pistol at the familiar voice. She sealed the door behind her and made her way to the bar beyond the fireplace. "I knew since this place had a bar I'd eventually find you behind it, Aethyta."

"Yeah, none too soon, it looks like. What was that crap you were drinking? I did your tastebuds a favor and dumped it." She poured a glass from a bottle Shepard recognized as a 20 year old single malt, and dropped it in front of one of the barstools. A matching glass was already in front of the matriarch. 

"You took your damn time getting here. I've been waiting for two hours."

Shepard drank half her glass before replying, savoring the burn. "Sorry. It isn't like I knew you were going to break into my apartment."

"It wouldn't call it a break in. I was practically invited. That lock is junk," Aethyta splashed more into Shepard's glass.

"So I've been told. Liara's gonna upgrade it, but Kasumi made her promise she'd get to help with the security. Also, slow down with that stuff, it's expensive."

"Is that why you bought that crap I found in the living room? Because it was cheap?"

"It takes a lot to overcome my implants, I like to save the good stuff for drinking with company."

Aethyta made a 'tsk' sound. "Drinking alone's never a good sign. This is your bartender talking."

"Some bartender. I just needed some time to myself. I'm fine."

The matriarch rolled her eyes. "Like hell you are. Drinking alone? The only reading material I see in this place are casualty reports? If you were 'fine' you'd still be yelling at me about breaking into your place. Time to yourself is the last thing you need. Why do you think I had Mister Virtue and the know-it-all keep you busy all day?"

Shepard looked at Aethyta in amazement. "You did that? What the hell. I thought that smelled like a setup." Shepard finished her glass. "If you cared that much, why weren't you here this morning?"

"Just because I care doesn't mean I'm getting my ass out of bed before dawn. I'm fragile and I need my beauty sleep."

"Ha! Fragile. James is more afraid of you than he is of the Reapers."

"Good. He needs to keep his hands to himself." She gave Shepard an appraising eye. "Seriously kid. You look like shit."

"Look, it doesn't matter. I just needed a break."

"You're my kid's bondmate. The hero of the Citadel, the savior of the fucking galaxy. It damn well does matter. Get your head out of your ass, Shepard."

Shepard's angry retort was cut off by the sound of the front door opening.

"Shepard?" Liara's voice was hesitant.

"We're back here, kid," Aethyta answered for them both.

Liara stepped into view, dressed in the unassuming science jumpsuit she wore when traveling, bag still slung over her arm. "Father? What happened? I was already on the way back when I got your message."

Aethyta pointed at the Human. "That's what happened kid. This war's in the home stretch. You need to stay close until it's over, one way or another."

Liara looked from Shepard to Aethyta and back in confusion. "She appears fine?"

"Hello, I'm right here..." Shepard broke in.

Aethyta cut her off. "If she looks fine to you then you're in as bad a place as she is. You know how she gets when you leave her alone for too long. The halo gets too tight and she starts looking for some new sacrifice to make. Unless you want a martyr on your hands, you need to stay with her."

Liara hung her head. "I know Father. There is just so much..."

"So much that you want to face it alone without your bondmate? Remember how well that went last time?" Liara looked away, shame clearly visible on her face.

The matriarch took a deep breath through her nose. "She barely smells like you. Did you ever think that part of her problem might be anxiety from not refreshing your bond?" 

Tears started falling from the maidens eyes. "I am so sorry Shepard." Liara dropped her bag as she rushed to the commander, burying her face in her neck, her tears flowing freely.

Shepard's annoyance with the matriarch was clear in her voice, even as it contradicted her words. "I appreciate the concern Aethyta," she pulled Liara closer and started rubbing her back, "but you make it sound like I'm falling apart. I'm really not."  

Sadness was obvious in Aethyta's eyes, and for the first time, Shepard was frightened by something that the matriarch had to say. "You really are, kid. You just can't see it." 

 

 


End file.
